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Prenatal Anxiety: Yes, that's a thing and I went through it.

Our sweet baby boy is coming up 6 months next week. Yep! that's almost an entire half of a year. I'm so proud of him and proud of us. It's been one crazy roller coaster ride so far and I'm sure it's not going to end anytime soon. As time ticks on I've come to realise that I haven't always been in such a good place mentally. I mean I have my ups and my downs at the moment but on the whole I'm really, really happy. I know this definitively because before our baby was born I was really not happy…
My friend sent me an article yesterday about (PND) Post Natal Distress and it got me thinking about my own anxiety.


I've had a lot of anxious moments in my life and some trauma but the weird thing about anxiety is that you often don't know just how bad you are really feeling when you are in that anxious place.

Looking back on my final 6 weeks pregnancy I can now see just how scarily anxious I was. 

I was lucky to have two of the most lovely and just generally incredible midwives who would ask me how I was feeling all the time and I was say things like 'I'm tired but okay' or 'I'm feeling sick but I'm okay' Ha! I realise now I wasn't okay at all....

There were some days that I was absolutely paralysed by my fears. I couldn't go to the shops, I couldn't even walk round the block. I was unwell, tired and really, really anxious. The worst part was that people kept saying how beauitful I looked but I felt like crap. I didn't feel radiant, glowing or happy at all! pregnancy is meant to be this beautiful, happy time but all I felt was unhappy.

I think I was anxious because I had heard some of the horror stories of my own Mothers births. She had a lot of complications and was really unwell for a long time after both my sister and I were born. It took her a long time to get better and I guess in the back of my mind I was terrified that was going to be me too. I don't blame my Mum at all, we both had completly different experiences and I think it all comes down to my own anxieties.

What I didn't realise though is that there is such a thing as Prenatal Anxiety (it’s also called antenatal anxiety). It has a range of symptoms from loss of sleep to racing thoughts all of which I think I had. I couldn’t get to sleep, I couldn't concentrate but most of all I didn't feel like me.
Somedays it was so bad I didn't want to get up because when I was awake I was tortured by feelings of "What if". I remember constantly thinking what if I get really sick like my mum or what if my baby dies? What if? What if? What if? that’s all that seemed to play over and over in my head like some kind of torturous drum beat. It wasn't until after my baby was born that I suddenly realised I had been released from that horrific place and now I was in this new happier version of me.

It's something no one talks about...

I didn't even know such a thing existed.

No one told me about it and I didn't realise there was so many other Mums going through it too. I also didn't know there were so many great easy fixes and even apps that can use to help you to relax or support groups you can join online.  I wish more people would share their experiences so people could spread the word about the affects of anxiety. It’s so hard when you're in it but you aren't alone! If you think your anxiety is getting a bit out of hand please share it with someone and talk to friends who can help you through it or talk to me x
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