Recently I have been having an internal battle over this whole sleep training thing. You might be wondering what sleep training is so maybe I should explain that first...
Sleep training in simplified terms is essentially training your baby to sleep for longer periods in their own bed. Theres a range of different strategies and ideas around how to do it but whatever way seems to involved some element of crying out or leaving you baby to cry until they 'get used to it'.
I realise this is some what of a controversial topic which is why I have been thinking about it for a long time. As an early childhood teacher I personally would never promote sleep training techniques with my families because it didn't fit our centre philosophy of following children rhythms. However, I know there are some parents who really do benefit from it especially if they haven't had a decent nights sleep in years- ek!
Now that I'm a mum (a very tired one I might add!) I feel so conflicted about it because I personally just can't do it!
We had one day a few weeks ago where our little man was overtired and it was raining outside -so we didn't want to go for a walk. Both of us had tried for over 45 mins to put him down with no success so my husband finally said " Lets just leave him" I agreed and attempted to go downstairs and vacuum. I naively thought that the noise would drown out his cries and distract me until he eventually fell asleep- ha! I lasted about 5 to 6 minutes and it was awful!. I could hear him getting more and more worked up. My heart was heavy and literally aching. I knew I had to go up to him! When I finally reached him it was like a horrific scene in one of those Romanian orphanages, seriously! He was all red and shaking with fear, he was violently screaming and tears were streaming down his little face. It took me over 30 mins of cuddles and singing to finally calm him down. I looked at my husband and said in a panicked tone "Well! We are NEVER doing that again". It was so awful for us because we'd never seen him so upset. it honestly sounded like he was in pain and he'd cried so much he was throwing up. I thought to myself in that moment how can people do this?! but then also remember hearing about my friend who;s little girl never slept more than an hour at a time at night. I guess what I've learnt about sleep training is that it is like every other of the million and one decisions you must make as a new parent. Will your child be sleep trained or will you find it too hard and cuddle them to sleep?
I also personally feel that every child is unique and has thier own individual personalities. Some children might not cry the awful way that our baby does when you leave him in his cot. Maybe some children will get the idea after a few nights? it really comes down to your own ideas and views on that and how much you can stand your baby being upset.
Unfortunately there is some research out there at the moment that does suggest that you can potentially make your baby a more anxious adult if you let them cry and don't respond. You can read more about why you shouldn't 'condition' your baby here. I personally can not stand the idea of my sweet baby boy feeling alone in his bed and sad because he’s learnt that know ones comes when he cries. I know this is a bit of a dramatic take on the idea of sleep training but I also realise that babies are babies and they probably wont sleep through the night for at least a year or more so why do we expect them too? They are only just getting used to all that this world has to offer. They are learning how to use their bodies, how to understand languages, how to read emotions, how to play and explore and of course they are learning how to sleep for longer periods.
I can't imagine that this disruptive sleep period is anything more than another phase he going to experience in his life and I don't want to be the kind of parent who is rushing him through one of his milestones just so i can get a few extra hours at night. So with that said I don't think sleep training is for us but if it’s for you then I applaud your bravery because I just cant do it.
Sleep training in simplified terms is essentially training your baby to sleep for longer periods in their own bed. Theres a range of different strategies and ideas around how to do it but whatever way seems to involved some element of crying out or leaving you baby to cry until they 'get used to it'.
I realise this is some what of a controversial topic which is why I have been thinking about it for a long time. As an early childhood teacher I personally would never promote sleep training techniques with my families because it didn't fit our centre philosophy of following children rhythms. However, I know there are some parents who really do benefit from it especially if they haven't had a decent nights sleep in years- ek!
Now that I'm a mum (a very tired one I might add!) I feel so conflicted about it because I personally just can't do it!
We had one day a few weeks ago where our little man was overtired and it was raining outside -so we didn't want to go for a walk. Both of us had tried for over 45 mins to put him down with no success so my husband finally said " Lets just leave him" I agreed and attempted to go downstairs and vacuum. I naively thought that the noise would drown out his cries and distract me until he eventually fell asleep- ha! I lasted about 5 to 6 minutes and it was awful!. I could hear him getting more and more worked up. My heart was heavy and literally aching. I knew I had to go up to him! When I finally reached him it was like a horrific scene in one of those Romanian orphanages, seriously! He was all red and shaking with fear, he was violently screaming and tears were streaming down his little face. It took me over 30 mins of cuddles and singing to finally calm him down. I looked at my husband and said in a panicked tone "Well! We are NEVER doing that again". It was so awful for us because we'd never seen him so upset. it honestly sounded like he was in pain and he'd cried so much he was throwing up. I thought to myself in that moment how can people do this?! but then also remember hearing about my friend who;s little girl never slept more than an hour at a time at night. I guess what I've learnt about sleep training is that it is like every other of the million and one decisions you must make as a new parent. Will your child be sleep trained or will you find it too hard and cuddle them to sleep?
I also personally feel that every child is unique and has thier own individual personalities. Some children might not cry the awful way that our baby does when you leave him in his cot. Maybe some children will get the idea after a few nights? it really comes down to your own ideas and views on that and how much you can stand your baby being upset.
Unfortunately there is some research out there at the moment that does suggest that you can potentially make your baby a more anxious adult if you let them cry and don't respond. You can read more about why you shouldn't 'condition' your baby here. I personally can not stand the idea of my sweet baby boy feeling alone in his bed and sad because he’s learnt that know ones comes when he cries. I know this is a bit of a dramatic take on the idea of sleep training but I also realise that babies are babies and they probably wont sleep through the night for at least a year or more so why do we expect them too? They are only just getting used to all that this world has to offer. They are learning how to use their bodies, how to understand languages, how to read emotions, how to play and explore and of course they are learning how to sleep for longer periods.
I can't imagine that this disruptive sleep period is anything more than another phase he going to experience in his life and I don't want to be the kind of parent who is rushing him through one of his milestones just so i can get a few extra hours at night. So with that said I don't think sleep training is for us but if it’s for you then I applaud your bravery because I just cant do it.
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