Since becoming a Mum just over 6 months ago I have come to realise that some of the most common things people say to you about Motherhood are in fact just myths. Who came up with these things? I guess they could be relics of the past? common thoughts that have traveled through the ages? Past down from person to person? Anyway! However they started I'm here to bust some of them and I'd love to hear your thoughts....
"Sleep when your baby sleeps"
Ha! This one is one of my favourite parent myths. Yes, I can see how this is good in theory but when your baby only sleeps for 20 min increments during the day you either have to get practiced at quickly falling asleep yourself in lightning speed or your going to have to try and wash all their bottles/ or eat your own lunch with them in a sling. I honestly couldn't work out any other way of getting chores done that were essential. I do think sleep is vitally important especially for your recovery but I also think ‘sleep as much as you can’ is better advice. They'll be times when you can get to sleep when your baby is sleeping- win! But they'll be other times when you just want to have a few moments of time for yourself too. Sleep is great but it's also about finding a balance between what other things you need ( and I mean really need!) like a coffee or a shower.
"After the 'fourth trimester' (3 months) your baby shouldn't need motion to get to sleep"
I've heard this one from a lot of people and also from reading online advice from sleep consultants. I personally think that after having a baby who relies heavily on some kind of motion (even now) this one is a total myth! I do believe that you can transition slowly out of needing motion which would be a gentle parenting approach to it. Some babies just decide they don't need it anymore (lucky you!) and other people go cold turkey by popping them straight into the bed and letting them cry. That isn't something that sits well with me and I'm currently in a transition out of the motion phase. When everything is going wrong and I absolutely can not settle him then I resort to a little bounce or jiggle in my arms which he loves and goes off to sleep in a few minutes. I think that more accurately this should say 'some babies don't need motion by 3 months old but some will'. It is my personal view that you need to do what is right for you and your baby. If your baby needs a cuddle to sleep so be it but if they can tolerate a little less motion at a time then maybe you can transition them to being able to sleep without you. It's not a one size fits all approach in anything parenthood related.
"Crying means they are upset and you need get them to stop "
I do agree partially with this statement but I think more accurately babies cry when they need something. My baby only really cries (with actually tears) when he's hungry or VERY overtired. I try to not get to that point anymore but sometimes I miss his cues completely and we have a little moment of screaming with tears rolling down the cheeks. They are trying to communicate but I think it is more about listening to the cries and becoming in tune with what they might need not just jumping in straight away. One of the most useful things I've learnt from being a teacher is that sometimes a cry can be a little release of an emotion or a frustration (Which we are getting a lot of at moment!). Crying is not actually something that needs to be fixed. If you're constantly rescuing your baby from every little whimper they can't learn to become resilient but thats a whole other blog post…
"You need to do something to keep your brain active"
Becoming a mum has challenging me beyond measure! I don't think my brain has ever been more busy or active. Yes, I have days where I might miss my job but I don’t think I'm not being stimulated. I'm always reading things about baby play, about development about peaceful parenting or alternatives to try. I'm the busiest I've ever been and that counts the year I was acting head teacher and heavily pregnant! It's a different type of busy though. It's about forward planning, it's about learning from your mistakes and keeping things consistent (but not too consistent that your bored). I really dislike this parent myth because I feel like it dumbs down motherhood, making it seem like it's not the hardest thing you will ever accomplish in your life- because in my mind it most certainly is.
"Dummies are bad for babies"
I used to be in the anti dummy camp I'm not really sure why but I guess I wanted my baby to be able to sleep without needing it. We tried it a few times but he never really took to it! I honestly hold no judgement what so ever about them now that I'm a Mum and if it works for you then do it! I was a dummy reared baby and I think my parents just used it for sleeping times. I think it's a great tool if it works for you but maybe wean them off it after a year or so? I've seen children as old s 3 in centres i've worked who are still needing it for sleep. That doesn't seem okay to me. They need to learn how to go so sleep without one eventually.
"Babies under one can't self soothe"
This is a biggie and I know some people wont agree with my view point on this but I truly believe this one is a complete myth! Babies CAN self soothe with a lot of gentle help. That is why I'm currently gently transitioning from bouncing my bubble to sleep into sleeping in his own bed without me. Everything I've read and experienced as a teacher has taught me that in fact babies CAN learn to slef soothe it just requires some uber patience on your part. I've seen babies as little as 4 months sleep in a centre environment during the day without needing motion just a constant teacher who they have grown to trust so I know my little one is capable too. We are on day 2 today and it's going really well. Each sleep is taking slightly less time for him to settle and we are still singing and gently patting him to sleep instead of his usual bounce and cuddle in mummys arms. I know it might take up to a week or more of consistency but I'm willing to give it a really good go! The bouncing and rocking is getting so tiring for me and I know when he can sleep without me it will be easier for both of us in the long run.
"They'll sleep when they're tired"
I believed this one when I became a Mum and was rudely awoken to the fact that they can't actually make that decision for themselves. I'm a preschool teacher so I'm used to helping older children fall asleep and we often would say to each other that we had tried for 20 mins plus but they wouldn't fall asleep so I guess they just weren't tired enough. This might be true for children over two but little babies need help, Whether its motion at the start, shushing, patting, singing etc I think it's safe to say I know longer think this anymore. Babies sleep when you notice they are tired and help them to self soothe - that is my new and improved version.
"When they get older it gets easier"
Every age we've been through so far is just as hard as the first. I feel like it's getting easier in some respects and in others more challenging. The first 3 months are definitely very hard going because your tired and overwhelmed but then comes month 4 which was the month of constant grizzling for us. Then month 5 where his sleep regressed back to newborn days. Now month 6 where he's desperate to crawl and practices 50 times a day while grizzling again! *sigh* I think parenthood is going to be difficult at every turn. It seems like once your get through one set of hurdles you might get a week to catch your breath (if your lucky) before then next round begins.
So there you have it! some common new mum myths busted by me. Do you agree or disagree? I'd love to hear your thoughts xx
 |
| Mermaids could be real...As real as babies sleeping when they are tired. |
"Sleep when your baby sleeps"
Ha! This one is one of my favourite parent myths. Yes, I can see how this is good in theory but when your baby only sleeps for 20 min increments during the day you either have to get practiced at quickly falling asleep yourself in lightning speed or your going to have to try and wash all their bottles/ or eat your own lunch with them in a sling. I honestly couldn't work out any other way of getting chores done that were essential. I do think sleep is vitally important especially for your recovery but I also think ‘sleep as much as you can’ is better advice. They'll be times when you can get to sleep when your baby is sleeping- win! But they'll be other times when you just want to have a few moments of time for yourself too. Sleep is great but it's also about finding a balance between what other things you need ( and I mean really need!) like a coffee or a shower.
"After the 'fourth trimester' (3 months) your baby shouldn't need motion to get to sleep"
I've heard this one from a lot of people and also from reading online advice from sleep consultants. I personally think that after having a baby who relies heavily on some kind of motion (even now) this one is a total myth! I do believe that you can transition slowly out of needing motion which would be a gentle parenting approach to it. Some babies just decide they don't need it anymore (lucky you!) and other people go cold turkey by popping them straight into the bed and letting them cry. That isn't something that sits well with me and I'm currently in a transition out of the motion phase. When everything is going wrong and I absolutely can not settle him then I resort to a little bounce or jiggle in my arms which he loves and goes off to sleep in a few minutes. I think that more accurately this should say 'some babies don't need motion by 3 months old but some will'. It is my personal view that you need to do what is right for you and your baby. If your baby needs a cuddle to sleep so be it but if they can tolerate a little less motion at a time then maybe you can transition them to being able to sleep without you. It's not a one size fits all approach in anything parenthood related.
"Crying means they are upset and you need get them to stop "
I do agree partially with this statement but I think more accurately babies cry when they need something. My baby only really cries (with actually tears) when he's hungry or VERY overtired. I try to not get to that point anymore but sometimes I miss his cues completely and we have a little moment of screaming with tears rolling down the cheeks. They are trying to communicate but I think it is more about listening to the cries and becoming in tune with what they might need not just jumping in straight away. One of the most useful things I've learnt from being a teacher is that sometimes a cry can be a little release of an emotion or a frustration (Which we are getting a lot of at moment!). Crying is not actually something that needs to be fixed. If you're constantly rescuing your baby from every little whimper they can't learn to become resilient but thats a whole other blog post…
"You need to do something to keep your brain active"
Becoming a mum has challenging me beyond measure! I don't think my brain has ever been more busy or active. Yes, I have days where I might miss my job but I don’t think I'm not being stimulated. I'm always reading things about baby play, about development about peaceful parenting or alternatives to try. I'm the busiest I've ever been and that counts the year I was acting head teacher and heavily pregnant! It's a different type of busy though. It's about forward planning, it's about learning from your mistakes and keeping things consistent (but not too consistent that your bored). I really dislike this parent myth because I feel like it dumbs down motherhood, making it seem like it's not the hardest thing you will ever accomplish in your life- because in my mind it most certainly is.
"Dummies are bad for babies"
I used to be in the anti dummy camp I'm not really sure why but I guess I wanted my baby to be able to sleep without needing it. We tried it a few times but he never really took to it! I honestly hold no judgement what so ever about them now that I'm a Mum and if it works for you then do it! I was a dummy reared baby and I think my parents just used it for sleeping times. I think it's a great tool if it works for you but maybe wean them off it after a year or so? I've seen children as old s 3 in centres i've worked who are still needing it for sleep. That doesn't seem okay to me. They need to learn how to go so sleep without one eventually.
 |
| Ah yes, the elusive day sleeps which are really like a unicorn to me at the moment. |
"Babies under one can't self soothe"
This is a biggie and I know some people wont agree with my view point on this but I truly believe this one is a complete myth! Babies CAN self soothe with a lot of gentle help. That is why I'm currently gently transitioning from bouncing my bubble to sleep into sleeping in his own bed without me. Everything I've read and experienced as a teacher has taught me that in fact babies CAN learn to slef soothe it just requires some uber patience on your part. I've seen babies as little as 4 months sleep in a centre environment during the day without needing motion just a constant teacher who they have grown to trust so I know my little one is capable too. We are on day 2 today and it's going really well. Each sleep is taking slightly less time for him to settle and we are still singing and gently patting him to sleep instead of his usual bounce and cuddle in mummys arms. I know it might take up to a week or more of consistency but I'm willing to give it a really good go! The bouncing and rocking is getting so tiring for me and I know when he can sleep without me it will be easier for both of us in the long run.
"They'll sleep when they're tired"
I believed this one when I became a Mum and was rudely awoken to the fact that they can't actually make that decision for themselves. I'm a preschool teacher so I'm used to helping older children fall asleep and we often would say to each other that we had tried for 20 mins plus but they wouldn't fall asleep so I guess they just weren't tired enough. This might be true for children over two but little babies need help, Whether its motion at the start, shushing, patting, singing etc I think it's safe to say I know longer think this anymore. Babies sleep when you notice they are tired and help them to self soothe - that is my new and improved version.
"When they get older it gets easier"
Every age we've been through so far is just as hard as the first. I feel like it's getting easier in some respects and in others more challenging. The first 3 months are definitely very hard going because your tired and overwhelmed but then comes month 4 which was the month of constant grizzling for us. Then month 5 where his sleep regressed back to newborn days. Now month 6 where he's desperate to crawl and practices 50 times a day while grizzling again! *sigh* I think parenthood is going to be difficult at every turn. It seems like once your get through one set of hurdles you might get a week to catch your breath (if your lucky) before then next round begins.
So there you have it! some common new mum myths busted by me. Do you agree or disagree? I'd love to hear your thoughts xx
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