Yesterday we celebrated 9 months of our little human! I think that's a pretty cool milestone because now he has officially been earth side for longer than he was mummy side if that makes sense? This last month has been one of the hardest for me. I wasn't really sure why but after some reflection I think I've worked it out. 8 months was the month of movement for us, okay more like speed crawling. The month of my little snuggle bug actually started zooming around our house and has now became quicker at crawling than I walk most of the time.
Something really changed for me this month! I guess I thought his new found movement was going to mean new found independence but actually what I've encountered is a weird type of regression. It's almost as if now he can move around where ever he likes he's decided he doesn't want to that much. Instead he just wants to attach himself to me at all times like a little limpet. It hard, it's physically and mentally draining a lot of the day and I'm struggling to find a balance between encouraging him to crawl places and me not putting my back out by carrying him in the front pack all day. On Wednesday I hit a bit of a wall and cried and cried into my cup of coffee (while he was tucked up in bed). I suddenly just snapped and felt like I'd reached a new low in my Motherhood journey.
Is something wrong with my baby? Is something wrong with me? Why is he doing this?
I just felt so sad and frustrated. After venting to my Mums group and my own Mum I had some light shed on my situation and realised that this is just another opportunity to learn about myself and to grow. It's another phase or period of development he's in so after a few more tears (and another coffee) I stopped asking why? I started asking how?
Changing my mindset...
How can I make him feel more secure? How can I give him attention he needs but also have my coffee? How can I better balance my own life right now so I'm not going mad? I'm happy to report I have made peace with the fact that Motherhood really means being there for someone else at all costs. It means doing things you thought you wouldn't do, it means being true to you and to what you believe in but most of all it means being present. The answer to my worries and frustration was in front of me this whole time. I just needed to imagine I was him for 2 minutes and suddenly I knew.
Your heart always knows.
The last few days I've just been being there for him. If he needs a cuddle I'm there, if he needs me to pick him up then I do and I'm pleased to say that it's been easier on both of us. One of my Mum friends recently told me she’s found it always pays to 'choose the path of least resistance' and that saying has really been running true for me. I also think that by slowing down and taking some time for yourself you can always find the answer you need. My new mantra is 'Slow down Mama, You're doing the best you can!" because I really am! Everyday. Somedays I just need to take my own advice too.
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